''I am confused. I don't know what is the right thing to do. I want to come back home on one hand, but on the other no. I'm not strong enough to face the reality, to face my sister's death, to face my pain! I need an help, right now! I need someone who can say to me:'' Ottavia, don't worry, everything will be fine, you will take the right decision.'' But, what's the right decision? When you're young. When you're fifteen or sixteen years old you have no idea about how could be difficult live alone, in another country without any support . You're totally alone then, you're try to find a person who can help and support you and became your world, the light of your life, your refuge but after you discover that she isn't a good person then you're down, again. When we are teenagers, someone should teach us that if we change our mind after an important decision, we are not failing! The most important thing is our happiness and serenity. Then, comes everything else. We arrive at a point of our life, in which all we need is to find a balance, something that make us happy, satisfied and proud of ourselves. At eighteen or twenty years old, it isn't easy decide about our future, life, lover...sometimes, the decisions we made around 20 years old, are absolutely influential for the rest of the life and this is scary, because if we made the wrong decision? What happens next? How could we be sure about our decisions? It's so difficult. I made one of the most important decision of my life after my sister's death. Probably, this was one of the reasons why I decided to move to London, maybe to break with the past, to escape from my pain, my memories...I don't know...I think I am happy about this decision but...in this moment of my life I am unsure...I miss something that I am not able to identify...maybe is the security of my old life...'Time is a thief! Sometimes I would like to have the time machine used it to bring my sister back or to live certain moments again just once when I was a child and I used to spent afternoons at my grandma's home, watching cartoons and eating crepe with nutella. These are the kind of memories I never want to forget. Sometimes, it seems like I can almost feel the smells of her cooking, feel the serenity of these moments. Then of course everyone grows up, it's normal but sometimes being an adult sucks! The classic stereotypes is ''high school is the best time of your life'' or ''enjoy your adolescence because you will be 30 years old in short time'', or ''one day you're eighteen and the next you're forty years old''. You know what? I just want to say that, do what you wish without thinking too much about what is right or wrong. If you want to have an experience abroad do it! If after you want to come back to your country, because you are unsure, unhappy or you feel alone, then don't feel like you're failing! Because you are not failing! My decision to live in London, study and work here was something that I really needed in a bad moment of my life...now maybe it is the moment to bring my old life back and move again in my city Berlin...I don't know. But...I just need more time, to think and try to decide. Otherwise I will follow my feelings, without thinking and thinking and...
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